Attempting to Join the World

My therapist is always encouraging me to try harder to interact with people. It is hard for me because after the basic introducations I hit a conversational wall and can't think of anything intellegent to say. She says to introduce myself and then compliment the other person. If things go well I will only sound simple-minded. Usually I end up sounding like a stalker who has gone off their medication. In the dozen or so times I have tried approaching people in public it has never resulted in anyone thinking I am an interesting person that they would want to spend additional time with. If I am lucky they simply say thanks and politely turn away and pretend that I am not there. Sometimes they turn to their friends and start to laugh about what a dork I am. When I relate these anecdotes to my therapist she says 'You don't know that they were laughing at you, it could have been something else.' Then why are they looking and pointing at me?

Since interacting with people in person is hard for me, my therapist recommeded that I try on-line chat rooms as a way to interact without the pressure of being face to face. I tried that a few times, but it seemed like no matter what chatroom I went into it always devolved into sex talk. That's an entirely different level of malfunction I have, and it's not the first topic of conversation I want to have with someone. I can barely introduce myself to someone and pull of being 'normal', why would I want to talk about how long it takes me to have an orgasm? And if I don't want to talk about how long it takes me to have one, I really am not interested in how long it takes someone on the other side of my computer screen to have one.

So starting a blog seemed like the next best alternative, as I am interacting with the world and putting myself out there for others to get to know, which my therapist is continually telling me is a good thing, yet at the same time it takes away the immediate interaction aspect, which is where I tend to freeze up.

I don't know if anyone will ever read this. There must be millions of people out there in the world who are doing this, how would anyone find my blog unless I tell them about it? If a stranger does happen across it, are they able to write me back? I confess I don't really understand how this works. See, here is the part where I may have to interact, and I am freezing up...